A Conflict of Dreams

Emma proudfit

oil on canvas, 24 x 24 inches

Made possible by a grant from the Center for Latter-day Saint Arts, Art for Uncertain TImes project.

It is natural to have fears. it is okay to be uncertain…

A woman lies dreaming in the calm of a meadow, surrounded by mirages of her wishes and worries. A girl sets a dove free, symbolizing a longing for freedom and expression. A couple dances in the distance while another pair shares a tender kiss, serving as reminders of everything she longs for yet everything she fears. 

The Covid-19 crisis has, in a lot of ways, forced me to face my own thoughts, uncertainties, and desires. A Conflict of Dreams was an exploration into one of these internal conflicts. Said in the simplest of terms, this battle is the want for companionship and motherhood against the fear of losing myself and the things that I love doing when I become a wife and mother (which is something that society tries to convince women is necessary)

Initially, I struggled to figure out the best way to depict this in a painting. I knew I wanted it to feel like a dream--pastel colors and delicate brush strokes, but I also wanted my audience to feel the strength, longing, and sadness of it. In addition to the various figures, symbolism began to make its way into the piece in the form of flowers and greenery. Hollyhocks for ambition, a willow for sadness, foxgloves for intuition and creativity, and forget-me-nots asking to forget-me-not.

Amidst this pandemic and social upheaval, I have felt even more weighed down by society’s expectations of me. Even by the impossible standards I’ve set for myself. But I do know this: It is natural to have fears. It is okay to be uncertain. Perhaps that is what can bring us even closer to our Father in Heaven during this time. It can remind us to trust in Him and His very individual plan for each of us.—Emma Proudfit, 2020  

Emma Proudfit

is working on her BA in Studio Arts at Brigham Young University with dual minors in Business minor and Digital Humanities and Technology. Phoenix, Arizona is her home. She currently holds the position of Project Manager at BYU's Office of IT, and hopes to pursue a career in web design and development. Emma's work explores the dreamworld, fairy tales, and the ethereal. Making art is a way for her to feel peace and connected to God. Though technology plays a significant role in her studies, making physical art will always be a part of her work and what she loves to do. You can find more of her art at @emsproud.art.