Conversation for a Summer Afternoon
By Kathie Debenham
It was my good fortune to spend an hour or so the other afternoon conversing with Lisa Valentine Clark and hear her reflect on things that matter most to her at this time in her life. As host of The Lisa Show Podcast found on BYUradio as well as on numerous other social media platforms, Lisa is a public figure known to many. She is also a comedian, actress, believer, single mom, and widow who dives into substantive conversations about parenting challenges, mental health questions, and social issues with able assist from her “Council of Moms.” Lisa invites her listeners to “Come figure out this life thing together with her, with a lot of laughs along the way.”
As a jumping off point, I asked Lisa about transformative life experiences and how they have helped shape, form, inform, and guide her. Her response was that she has found and continues to find transformation in relationships. Transformation for her is a quiet, internal process that involves wondering where she fits in the world/universe while grappling with a sense of purpose. And it is her relationship with her late husband Christopher, who died three years ago from ALS, that has, in her words, “Changed my whole outlook and my personality.” Lisa says the process of caring for Chris as he was dying changed her and continues to influence how she lives her life. During this terrifically painful time of their life together, Lisa says she learned from Chris to attend to the inner life. His capacity to be at peace was emblematic of who he was at his core. This was a catalyst for change for her. Her life focus has become learning to love and attending to how we treat each other. Lisa said, “When all of the pieces of my life were swept off the table onto the floor,” her anchor was “I know God loves me.” “When I got hit in the face with a 2x4, I began to approach life more gently, seeing it as more sacred, living with more reverence.”
Lisa reflected that living her deep and ongoing grief has brought her to understand that this place of dissonance and duality actually is life and has brought her to hold at length questions about the meaning of life, a process that requires patience. She has found stillness challenging; “I am a doer and wanted to do whatever I could to ‘get through’ grief faster.” She realizes she may not know answers to her questions in this life, “How to come to learn truth.” She does know through her experience learning to live without Christopher, truth can bring peace and understanding and can also bring suffering. An important abiding question for Lisa is, “What does truth look and feel like?”
Our conversation turned to how Lisa presently experiences herself as a maker/creative. Her response was, “How do I want to live my life?” She believes that opportunities that are meant for us come to us. “We don’t have to wait. Chris didn’t wait. He made things happen and lived a fully creative life. He created so much joy and goodness. This perspective is everything to me.”
Because Lisa finds human stories so fascinating, her podcast career fulfills her desire to share her story and the stories of others. She knows how overwhelming fresh grief can be and how she struggled at first to figure out how to even hold it. Lisa acknowledged several close friends who were willing to share their faith in God, their own life experiences, their own hope when she felt bereft of hope. Indeed relationship is at the center of Lisa’s life orbit.
While in a “Best Moments Orchestrated” view of life one might seek to “do something great or change the world” using a God-given talent, Lisa has come to see how caring for those we love is actually what can change the world. Three years ago, Lisa had a household of 7; now she has one child left at home. Launching children into adulthood is not something Lisa ever thought she would be doing as a single parent. She thinks about Chris all the time as she navigates solo parenting. Her dedication to ongoing creation of an evolving family life is abundantly evident.
As we concluded our conversation, I asked Lisa what was on the front burner for her. She wants to do a series on her podcast on creativity, on our divine right to create. She is considering questions such as, “What keeps us from creating? How to we define creativity? Who gets to create? Do we limit people’s opportunities to create?” I am looking forward to listening to those future podcasts where Lisa will, with a signature combination of probing depth and laugh out loud humor, help us consider how much of life and creativity is really about showing up which she herself does with much grace, humility, faith, deep humanity, authenticity, and of course humor.